I'll Bet Mycroft Never Had This Problem

It's not always easy coming up with something to write about. I realize I only put out a post once a month while others type away with a constancy that surprises everyone, but that one post can be taxing. I would love to be more prolific on here, but my time is usually taken up by other writing assignments. Still, I enjoy doing this, so I write even when I don't have a topic. And today is one of those days.

A lot of my time recently (okay, this past month) has been spent worrying about my job. I'm not going to get political on here, and I won't run anyone down for the choices they made in the last election, but every day I wake up not knowing if I still need to go into work. See, I'm a federal employee. Have been for over twelve years. My record is spotless, and I have given my all to what I do. I have won many awards and bonuses, and have been recognized in various ways for my skill and dedication. I've even earned the nickname Mr. Integrity because I choose to practice the adage that honesty benefits everyone. My bosses and co-workers trust what I say, and I return their faith in me by not lying to them. I've also never had a complaint against me, nor ever been investigated or written up - not even a verbal warning. (I've never even been late in all that time. Really.) But, I am not a bragging man. These are simply facts. I'm a great employee...and it makes no difference right now.

I understand some of what's going on, and I get what is trying to be accomplished, but it's a scary time since my particular department is not exempt from what's happening. Please know that I'm not complaining. Whatever the outcome is, it's one I'll live with, and if released, I'll look back on my time with the government very happy with my performance. 

The reason I am telling you all of this is so you get why there's no real subject this time. I've worked on other Sherlockian things, so I'm keeping my fingers pecking for Holmes and Watson, but as the end of this month drew nearer and nearer, I had a feeling I wouldn't have any gas left in that tank. And I didn't. My life was already in a bit of a fog, and now it's in a darker one. I did consider writing something about Mycroft and his role in his government at the time, but I didn't open a single book in my collection to start it. I'm also going to be selling or donating most of my library, and a large chunk of it is titles about late-Victorian London. I thought about that, too, but couldn't find the strength. Oh, I'm attending the Holmes, Doyle, & Friends conference in Dayton next month, so maybe that'll lift my spirits. I guess we'll see. And I'm a little stoked about the surprise the Sherlockian Chronologist Guild is going to introduce to the world at that event, so there's that. (Hopefully I'll still be employed by then.)

At this very moment I am sitting in a restaurant. I've finished my meal and have been allowed to stay here as long as needed to work on this. (They're used to me here, and know this is the sort of thing I do.) When I left work today, the uncertainty about tomorrow was even greater (due to several new factors), and I had to decide between going to bed as soon as I got home and just laying there in the dark trying to figure out what I may be forced to do next, or get something in my stomach and write this. I chose the latter. Happily. But, please do not think for a second that I'm putting all of this before you for sympathy. Far from it. I'm just being honest with you. This is my situation right now, and it's a bleak one. I require no words of encouragement or platitudes, I'm just getting this off my chest to help explain (in part) my lack of a decent post.

I still have my grandchildren for joy, and going out to eat is still something I like, but worrying every minute about hearing my text notification sound go off and seeing it's from my Supervisor is making me a little crazy. I have a back-up plan, sort of, but it isn't necessarily one I want 100%. I have options, but a lot of people don't. I'm happy I've gotten myself into that position, but I still don't want to have to act upon it. And for the record, I am stating once more that this is not a political post. I usually don't bother with such things. Frankly, it bores me to tears. But, people are allowed their opinions, so I'll say no more. Again, this is just what's going on, and I'm in the middle of it pretty deep. All I've done is my job - very well, I might add - but the world is ever-changing, and it isn't always in a good way.

There may come a time when I might need a break to get my life on another track. Or perhaps I won't be writing this blog anymore. Or maybe neither of those will come to fruition. It's impossible to know such things, however. I am certain I'm not ready to give it up, though I can't say what will come next for me. I'll try not to ever write something like this again, and instead get back to the business of talking about Sherlockian chronology. I've done it for so long I don't think I could ever fully walk away from it. Nor do I want to leave you, my loyal readers. Hopefully I won't have to. I fully expect to see you next month, so I'll just end here. See you soon, and as always...thanks for reading.